Thursday, 25 June 2009

Lazy Cow

Yesterday I complained to my partner that he always seemed to get a lie in. So imagine my delight when he got up this morning gave our son breakfast and entertained him until I woke. I finally lifted my head off the pillow at 12 o’clock feeling incredibly refreshed, if terribly guilty. I was so grateful that my partner had listened to me and helped me relax that I felt buoyant with love – possibly even frisky? Then I discovered that he had fed our son my Weightwatchers creamed rice for breakfast. In other words, synthetic foods designed to make you loose weight but with little nutritional value. Not only is this not great for my son but it is certainly shitty for me as you only get two in a pack. This somehow took the edge off my incredible sleep and potential friskiness.

I perked up however; when I caught sight of my naked son in my arms, in the bathroom mirror. His bottom, all squashed up, appeared to have dimples that looked like cellulite. It made me wonder if cellulite actually exists or whether it is something we have been tricked into believing so that we will buy overpriced creams and join overpriced gyms and make men very rich? There is no way my son can have cellulite – unless he was having some kind of reaction to the Weightwatchers creamed rice?

I then went on to do a lot of stuff that doesn’t warrant a mention here. Part of the problem was that with half the day gone by the time I got my lazy arse out of bed, I then had to cram everything in, in half the time.

Later on in the afternoon somebody described my son as being ‘hench’. For those of you that aren’t sure about this word feel free to look it up on, where I am reliably informed that it means strong and muscular.

Lastly a question: should I be worried that my son has started banging his head against his cot as part of his sleeping ritual like a tormented caged animal? Or should I take this as a sign that he is well and truly ‘hench’?

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