Saturday, 27 June 2009

Nancy W. Kappes (paralegal) has it right

As a virgin blogger just broken in, I’ve been ruminating, yes ruminating, over the concept of the blog.

Unless you are blogging purely for friends and family, having a blog makes a statement. The statement is: “I think I have an interesting life” or “I have something interesting to say”. But I’m discovering that many people don’t. In fact the longer I spend in mum-blog-land the more pissed off I get.

I’m going to offend a lot of people out there so I am apologising now. It’s only my opinion and counts for pretty much nothing so here goes, Mum blogs are soooooooooooo boring. Before I go on to cuss the average Mum blog I would just like to say to all the Mummy bloggers, keep doing what you’re doing, I understand why you’re doing it, you’re probably all very nice people, and if it keeps you sane, makes a few pennies and gives you the support network you need then that’s fine, but it’s just not my cup of tea. I want to read something by a Mum/Woman that makes me spit out my wine with laughter and think that I’m going to wet my knickers. I want to read something that’s so close to the edge that I think – should I really be laughing at that?

There are hundreds, probably thousands of ‘Mum/Mom blogs’ about nice women, with nice children, living nice lives, saying nice things about their kids. I’m not professing to be particularly radical or unusual; I’m just as boring and middle class as most other Mum bloggers out there except I’m not intending to fill cyber space with any more of that sanctimonious ‘joys and challenges of raising kids’ shit. I’ve realised that Mums actually tell each other a lot of lies to make it seem that they have the perfect Mother-child dynamic. People keep telling me their kids sleep through the night when in fact they don’t. I have proof of this.

I’m sick of logging on to a blog and the first thing I see are pictures of your children who all fucking look the same by the way!!! Oh Brady did this today and Scarlet did that. I really couldn’t give a shit.

Nancy W. Kappes (paralegal) has it right. NOBODY CARES! Nobody cares how many frickin’ teeth your child has, or what they’re eating, or what you did at the park today. The only people who are ever really interested in your children are you and yours. And if you’re wondering who the hell Nancy W. Kappes (paralegal) is then pour yourself a vodka, get out your prescription drugs, log on to theblogess.com and prepare to uncover a living genius.

So, critics may say, why the hell am I blogging? Am I really going to produce a Mum blog that doesn’t utterly suck? I have absolutely no idea. I may not even last another week out here, all alone, in blogland. On a personal level I just need to write. I need to get some shit out of my system.

I’m unlikely to get any ‘followers’ or ‘fans’ of any description after alienating virtually my entire audience (plus the fact that nobody is reading this shit right now – it’s quite liberating really). But just to reiterate, if you’ve come here looking for, tributes to dead pop stars, pictures of my son doing messy play, birthday cake recipes, money saving tips or things to do on a rainy day, then fuck off; there are plenty of other places you can go to for that.

If however; you would like to prove me wrong and add a blog to my very small list below, feel free to comment.

Blogs I actually like in no particular order....
and now I'm going to take a shower because I smell of sour dribble.

3 comments:

  1. "The statement is: “I think I have an interesting life” or “I have something interesting to say”."

    And what about bloggers such as myself who blog entirely for themselves? 'If people don't like my shit then don't read it' is my motto.

    Thanks for the link ;)

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  2. so far you have me far more interested than the average 'mommy blogger.'

    I have to admit - there is something interesting about the "average" ones because it helps define what is actually average - the stuff your friends won't tell you about their kids, but the anonymous internet may.

    But I like your edge better! ;)

    You have one more follower!

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  3. 'Mom blogs' make me squirm. But an 'anti mom blog', now THAT is something I can get behind.

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