Sunday, 18 October 2009

The Emptiness of Facebook

This weekend, I just wanted to hibernate. There is a chill factor in the air that wasn’t there a few days back and I have a rasping sensation at the back of my throat which tells me that I am coming down with something. I’m not the only one, my son’s nose is now streaming at the same rate that he is dribbling, which is to say, continuously.

Thankfully, the world came to me this weekend in the shape of Cupcake and Vivienne Westwood. Vivienne cooked me a lamb curry and we considered Halloween Party outfits. Cupcake on the other hand, gave us a run down of her fight with her venomously-tongued teenage daughter and complained that whilst feeling incredibly pre-menstrual for days there was still no sign of her first, post-baby period. The first indication that Cupcake is pre-menstrual is that she over analyses everything. The second is that she spends time on Facebook looking up people from her past. It’s an unhealthy, uncontrollable urge that she gets once in a while. “It just makes me feel so empty” she says. Ah yes, the emptiness of Facebook, the dark, sinister side of Facebook that allows you to check up on your ex-boyfriends and see pictures of their new girlfriends and try to work out whether she is cuter, thinner or more successful than you.

I’ve never really been one of those people who do that; until this weekend. My ex got married a few weeks back. We still have mutual friends and so news is always trickling back and forth. This was in no way, shape or form an amicable separation. I have no idea how he thinks about it all, in hindsight, but I definitely harbour ill feelings towards him. Some people say I’m bitter. I’m not really sure how I’m supposed to feel about a man who ten years into our relationship, fucked my best friend and never apologised for it. It's unlikely that I would have accepted his apology , but at least it would have been a courteous gesture on his part.

So, there I was flicking through a friend’s photos and all of a sudden there was his wedding day. Ok, so maybe I had a small inkling that I might find something. Maybe Cupcake had sown the seed of curiosity. When I did come across the photographs however; I was quite surprised at my feelings. Whilst in the background of the pictures, remnants of my old life made me sad for the things I had lost: things that I had planted, things that I had helped to build, a place I used to love. But really I only had one overriding emotion, which was:

“Jesus Christ I can’t believe I used to let that guy put his cock in me.”

5 comments:

  1. Very healthy feeling, I think. Very.

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  2. What a shitty experience for you. And no wonder you feel the way you do. I would feel just the same. And I also agree - I try to avoid Facebook because the ability to peer into past friends/boyfriends lives is very compelling. I don't need any more reasons to be stressed - or any more people to judge or pass judgement - I have enough of that with my current friends and family as it is!

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  3. I find Facebook quite useful for those moments of pining for an ex only to realise that they are nothing like the perfect specimens I rememebered and that quite frankly I couldn't give a rats ass about them anymore.


    :)

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  4. How very liberating. I was just thinking today about someone I was immensely distraught over at one time (couldn't get out of bed for 6 months, I was so upset at being dumped by him) and now I can't remember why I gave a shit. But it's also a bit sad to know how fickle the heart is in the end, no?
    Thank God some other woman has to put up with the substandard cock forever and ever, Amen.

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  5. Without fail, you always make me laugh!!! What a twat... but what a great feeling think.. shit what was I thinking!

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