I'm 32 - not dead.
So, because I know I won't be going out tonight I have compiled a list of things that I might be doing, if I wasn't a mother, staying at home, while her boyfriend works anti-social hours which has the knock on effect of her being anti-social too.
If I wasn't a mother tonight I would be:
Swanning around London in a vintage fur coat drinking cocktails
Dancing until 4am in a Burlesque club dressed in 1940’s clothing
Dancing to Reggae in a grimy club, until the sun rises, dressed in who gives a shit?
Laughing hysterically on Cupcake's floor surrounded by several girlfriends, several empty bottles of wine and several chocolate wrappers
Smoking weed with some hoodies at my next door neighbour's house party
Mildy flirting with a handsome man whilst knowing I have a better one at home
I would never condone binge drinking but you have to admit that this looks like a lot of fun.
This is what social life starvation does to you - makes the above look attractive.
You see all those binge drinking women? They're all mummies on a night off. And can I just say why is it always women binge drinkers adorning the front pages. And while we're on the subject why is it acceptable for men to piss in the street?
Anyway, thank god I'm going to Lady Violet's Circus of Horrors Halloween House Party next weekend where Vivienne Westwood and I will be dressed as Vampire Usherette Conjoined Twins. That should do the trick.