Monday, 11 January 2010

Is it just me?

Thank god that somebody with a superior brain to me, had the foresight to put this symbol on the stackable storage boxes I purchased recently from Ikea.

Sorry for the shit picture!


Because, for a moment there, I was seriously contemplating putting my baby inside a plastic storage container and putting the lid on. You know, one minute your putting them in the box to play boats or cars or trains and the next minute you’re putting the lid on and wondering where to stack them? Under the bed? On top of your wardrobe? The choice is endless and babies are so temptingly storable and stackable. I don’t even care if storable isn’t a word because I’m just so grateful to the Swedish genius who has just stopped me from suffocating my baby. I can’t believe how close I came to tragedy.

Now that disaster has been averted, I can concentrate on all of you. Apart from my son breaking his cot, trying to hit me over the head with a real hammer, choking on salami and pissing all over his new bed, my life has been kind of dull. Lots of you have left nice comments and requests to which I shall now respond.

First up geekymummy. I am totally blown away by the fact that she is a scientist. I would just love to say that to somebody at a dinner party…..

Them: What do you do?
Me: Me? Oh I’m a scientist.

Anyway, Geekymummy tagged me for ‘High fives of 09’ and said it was 'Ok if I couldn’t be arsed with it'. I mulled it over. I had to come up with five good things about 2009. Easy, I thought; I had an OK year. In my mind I reeled off about two things, blogging, blah, blah and then I totally struggled. So I’d like to thank geekymummy for put 2009 into perspective for me. All in all I guess it was kinda shit; but that’s OK.


Now to Muddy (How I like my coffee). After my last post where I was childless and tipsy (Oh how things change, did I mention the hammer?) she suggested that I join in with Tara’s (Sticky Fingers) favourite photo meme. Firstly I have to say, I can hardly type the word meme without getting incredibly irritated. It’s SUCH an annoying word! Especially since I now know that it rhymes with cream.

Anyway, the point is do I have a favourite photo? Well, no, I don’t. I have tons of favourite photos like I have tons of favourite songs and films and books and handbags and fans and necklaces and dresses and cake and booze!

Anyway, I’m going to try really hard not to be a party pooper and come up with something just for Muddy - especially as she said she thought I might have something fab to share. I probably do, it just might take me a day or two to come up with it and yes, I do realise that I am already way behind……….

Lastly, a lady with an interesting name: Selaen. I’ve said it to myself with a variety of vowel sounds and accents, stressing different syllables, etc, etc and now I can’t get the word ‘Sealion’ out of my head. I’m sorry for this. I think it’s really important that people’s names are pronounced correctly, so if anybody can help me with this one I would appreciate it.

Anyway, Selaen scoffed at my penchant for Cosmopolitans. I don’t blame her, they are a bit obvious. Like many women, I had never drunk a Cosmopolitan until I saw SJP swigging them in SATC. I fully admit to this. So when Selaen touted the idea of a Dirty Margarita, I thought, yeah, let’s give this a shot. Maybe Cosmopolitans are a bit passé? Maybe a girl like me should be drinking a cocktail with the word ‘Dirty’ in the title?

Having no idea what a ‘Dirty Margarita’ was, I did what I always do – I googled it.

Now then Selaen; up first on my google list was Urban Dictionary.com. Here are their 3 definitions of a Dirty Margarita.

1. The act of licking the rim of ones bung hole.

2. When you sprinkle salt on your penis and proceed to slap a woman across the face with it.

3. Fingering a chick while on her period. When you pull your fingers out you wipe them on her upper lip and chin. Similar to a Dirty Sanchez.

Selaen says she likes anything with Tequila in it. What she does with herself after all that Tequila is anybody’s guess. So Selaen, please furnish me with the following information.

1. Help me with pronouncing your name
2. Please let me have your Dirty Margarita recipe because I am almost afraid to research this any further with the help of Google.

Lastly, is it just me or is covering your penis in salt and slapping a woman across the face with it, almost as bizarre as thinking that somebody might store their baby in a stackable plastic container? Really, you couldn’t make this shit up………

6 comments:

  1. Oh man - now where am I supposed to store my baby?

    BTW - would love the answer on dirty margarita. I first read it as dirty martini, as that one I'm familiar with (and it comes in the same glass as a cosmo, so I see flow!).

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  2. I think it's probably more bizarre. I mean, why the salt? Unless you were hoping some would go in her eyes, but the screaming and the wailing would ruin it I think.

    Urban Dictionary leaves me scarred sometimes.

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  3. LMAO... My stackable storage boxes came from a reputable seller who stacks them outside of his shop on the pavement (along with all manner of other items)... they have no such baby warning on them so I'm guessing they are good to go for my baby twins :-)

    As for the Dirty Margarita... I'll check back to see more info as I'm intrigued!

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  4. Urban Dictionary is amazing. You should look up Turkish Backpack or Portuguese Breakfast. I dare you. Who does that? Really?

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  5. The best cocktails always have very dirty connotations. Never Googled it though, a cockslap covered in salt? No thx.

    See, I thought that this was just as common as a Dirty Martini? Shows exactly how bloody weird Scottish people are.. The way I make mine? Tequila & triple sec (2:1, generous measures!), squeeze a lemon or 3 in, put some syrup in it (the liquid kind. Golden or Maple just don't work the same), shake with ice and put in a salt-rimmed margarita glass (or do like me and drink it out of the shaker). What makes it dirty? Well, once you've got a nice drinky in a pretty glass with umbrellas and sh*t, you drop a shot of liqueur in it. My fave is butterscotch schnapps, but anything will do. Basically, you've got your normal Margarita and then you just f@*k it up!

    And when it comes to my name? It's a combination of my first, second and last name. When I created it as a username back when Jesus was walking on earth and squirrelskins were perfectly good currency, I never thought about the pronunciation aspects of it. SO, do as you wish! I tend to say it as you would 'Saleem' (but with an N in the end instead of it's fatter mate), but I'll answer to Sealion if you want. 'oi you' and 'aye, bitch' work like a charm as well. :)

    xx

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  6. Sorry your 09 was rubbish, but thanks for trying!

    Being a scientist is cool, but it would put men off, so I would pretend to be something less intimidating when I was out and about on the dating scene.

    Then I realized that I didn't really want to date the kind of men who were afraid of women scientists!

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