Saturday, 27 March 2010

Hello and Goodbye

After my long term sabbatical from Blogging earlier this year I finally managed to catch up with a few of my favourite blogs. In all honesty I had barely looked at a blog between January and about two weeks ago. I know, its bad. But then most of you already know what a terrible blogger I am. It's been over a week already since I last blogged.

I was sad to see that one of my favourite blogs 'My Shitty Twenties' has come to an end.

"There are only so many ways of writing “I was having a crap day, then my son said something cute and everything felt OK.” she says.

I was never bored by her but that's exactly the kind of thing I would think. As usual I didn't read her enough and was kind of pissed off that I hadn't been timely enough to follow her story from the beginning when the charming man who impregnated her left her with the parting words "Enjoy your shitty twenties". It's not all sad news though as it looks like she'll be writing elsewhere rather than not at all, so good for her. Goodbye, Shitty Twenties.

So now let's cheer ourselves up with a 'Hello'. When I met this lady she had a blog which hadn't seen any action in a while. Recently however she's been a hive of activity. I give you 'Tapestry Face'. I love the cute photo of her listening to a record player but I really admire her for her amazing creations. I challenge you not to be jealous of this. This lady is proof of how much more we could all get done in life if we had no man and no television. I salute her.

Lastly but certainly not least in my goodbye roll of honour 'Up The Duff.....'. I love to link her but you have to be invited to read her posts although this wasn't always the way. Up the Duff has been through some troubled times. This morning I received a text from her "I'm done blogging" she said. I hope that she returns one day because she had a a 'take no prisoners' attitude and she was also incredibly funny. I'm not sure if she stopped blogging because of the commitment or because she thought that she whinged too much. What are blogs for if not for whinging? Goodbye, Up the Duff (and feel free to link yourself if you've had a change of heart!)

I have to say though, hats off to all you 'serious bloggers'. Committing to blog every day, visiting others blogs, commenting on every comment somebody leaves you and all the rest of very time consuming.

And now to something a little bit different. I had to say goodbye to a colleague recently, except I didn't really get the chance to. She left under suspicious political circumstances after many years service, with little thanks. When I first started my job she gently told me that I had to toughen up. She was right. She has a book coming out which I can't wait to get my hands on. Here it is.

Recently I have said 'goodbye' to an old, third-hand, red sofa and 'hello' to a new brown leather sofa. Ah yes, the ubiquitous brown leather sofa. Who among you does not have a brown leather sofa?

Anyway, I had mixed emotions about the red sofa. When I received the sofa 18 months ago, it had already seen some action. And I do mean action. I gave it a damn good steam clean because I knew exactly what it had been through. It belonged to two couples before we had it and had been around for years. I personally have had sex with two different people on this sofa - yeah, it's that old. I'm not the only one. Cupcake has definitely had sex on this sofa. I'm taking a bet that Victoria Sponge has also had sex on this sofa - if she hasn't, then shame on her, because it belonged to her for years. I'm also betting that my friends who are now in sunny Oz have also been at it on this sofa because it belonged to them too. In fact, seeing as this sofa was with my group of friends for most of our hedonistic years I'm betting that pretty much everyone I know has had sex on this sofa. The sofa has not seen the end of its days however as it has been relocated to an illegal gambling den in East London somewhere. I find that something of a comfort.

I was kind of glad to see it go but at the same time a part of me felt like it was just another symbol of me becoming older and more boring. "When will I have sex on a sofa again?" I thought to myself. There's no way I'm doing it on my new sofa as I haven't even finished paying for it yet. And guess who has to clean the sofa and put the leather protector on it. Yeah that's right, me. Why do men never think of this shit? Probably because they're too busy thinking about shagging on sofas. Well maybe if they cleaned them a bit more often, they might get laid more often. Just a thought....

Anyway, while we're on the subject of sex, it's goodbye to all sexual activity in my house because thanks to my pregnancy it's been 'hello' to some very extreme flatulence lately. Nice.


  1. I say do a good fart, then have a shag anyway. Will make you feel so much better.

  2. ha, i am so glad that I am not the only one who wonders what has gone on on sofas!

  3. Ah, we said goodbye to a similar sofa not so long ago. Almost all of our friends had had sex on it. Sometimes with each other. It could have told some wonderful tales. It didn't get such a good final resting place as yours did though!

  4. Thanks for the good bye matey, maybe I'll start a new blog once I've relaxed from my chill-out time in the Canaries, lets hope it's a damn sight more positive! I've pulled the permissions off for whingy reading if anyone is interested

    On a more important note, my most deepest and sincerest condolences' to your red sofa. I loved your sofa, as if it were my own. We bonded, we laughed and we shared some tears and nappy changes together, Ol' Red even welcomed munchkin's puke on occassion. Whilst I unfortunately did not get to have sex on this sofa, I will miss it, may Ol' Red rest in peace.