Wednesday, 21 April 2010

Warning: Sexually Explicit Content




Recently I’ve been pondering female ejaculation. A nameless friend of mine says it’s because I’m in, what she refers to as, the ‘Captain Stabbin’ phase of my pregnancy.

This phrase was coined when she revealed to myself and another friend that she had become totally preoccupied with watching anal sex scenes on the internet. Gradually her overworked laptop started malfunctioning and her dirty little secret was revealed when her boyfriend, who was trying to fix the laptop, discovered a lot of visits to a certain site called Captain Stabbin’. The laptop eventually burnt out under the pressure but her boyfriend, on the other hand, didn’t seem too fussed.

I think this all started a few days ago when a pregnant friend of mine confessed that she thought she had ejaculated during sex. Either that or her water had broken way too early. I happened to mention this to another friend of mine ‘Samantha Jones’ (knowledgeable and free-thinking on all things sexual) who totally stunned me by confessing that she regularly ejaculates when masturbating but never during sex.

“Why have you never told me this before?” I asked her, before reminding her that I was at the Waitrose check-out and really couldn’t have an in depth conversation about female ejaculation right now.

For those of you who have never considered this subject before, google ‘female ejaculation’ and it’s no surprise that what you’ll come across is a mixture of medical and mainly pornographic links. I particularly love Dr. Delvin’s article on netdoctor.

“The reality is female ejaculation isn't all that common. Some women do it once in a lifetime, but never again.”

Isn’t all that common? Well Dr., have a chat with my friend Samantha Jones and all those girls on “” and “red tube” and you may just be persuaded otherwise.

Of course I’m prepared to believe that some of the stuff I’ve seen on the internet (yes, I’ve done my research!) might be faked. I haven’t actually thought about this in detail but I’m sure it’s possible. However some of the shit I saw on the web was definitely 100% real and those women were having proper body-shaking, earth-moving orgasms. None of your acrylic-heeled, dead-eyed women claiming to come when clearly they were having about as much fun as when they last had their cervical smear.

Dr. Delvin also had this gem to offer.

“There hasn't been enough research on the fluid (ejaculate) - partly because it's difficult to obtain adequate supplies of it for investigation. Also, scientific funds tend to be available for life-threatening diseases rather than for sexual problems.”

Adequate supplies? It seems to me, Dr. Delvin that all it takes is to be in the right place at the right time with a cup; which will soon runneth over. I just don’t think you’ve been trying hard enough.

And the next thing I would like to draw your attention to, is his last point about scientific funds. Well Dr. Delvin, google ‘male ejaculation’ and you will find that all links are medical or scientific or comic. Plus I found an interesting article on how penises are being grown on rabbits. Some of this research has been going on for 18 years!Life threatening diseases? I think not! It’s all well and good to spend funds on the workings of the male genitalia but us ladies always seem to get the short straw........

I think that maybe I have been preoccupied with this subject for the following reasons:

a) Women never talk about this!

b)I don’t have a problem with porn but it always caters to men’s fantasies. Men seem to like the concept of female ejaculation but a woman has to be actually pleasured to achieve it. Hence in these films it would seem the women are actually enjoying themselves.

c) Why isn’t there more research being done?

d) Is this something I should be aiming for? (pun intended)

Lastly, for all you ladies out there who enjoy a little eye candy, here is Dr. Delvin; expert on female ejaculation...........imagine that dinner party introduction.

Still that's got to be better than "Hi, I'm Tony and I grow penises on rabbits."


  1. Okay, so have you heard that Australia is trying to censor the internet? Yes? Right, anyway, one of the things they want to censor is material about female ejeculation, because it seems that the idiots who made the rules seems to think it's urinating and 'golden showers' pornography is restricted classification here. Which would mean, any and ALL links would be banned, including the medical definition ones.

    Women = short end of the stick.

  2. Haha, right on. I can't speak myself about female ejaculation, but I've heard of it at least. I read the book "Bonk" by Mary Roach, and it's all about sex research. She says that there is surprisingly little research devoted to that field because if you seek funding, potential funders immediately think you're pervy. It's a great read, I might add. Very insightful, educational, and completely amusing.

  3. You've been watching THAT episode in SATC, haven't you?

  4. Veronica, you are not the first person to alter my perception of Australians, I used to think they were so laid back!

    AJM - I'm looking it up on the net as we speak!

    And Potty....I would love to know which episode you are referring to. It's not one I've seen lately but I obviously need to revisit it!

  5. It's the one (or one of the ones) where Samantha is experimenting with lesbianism and is pleasuring her girlfriend... (enough said?). I think it's in one of the later series but am not sure...

  6. I'm rifling through my collection as we speak......

  7. Awesome post. Yes, commenter above, it is the samantha lesbian episode.
    I'm tempted to go trawling the Internet for female ejaculation porn now.

  8. Geeky - trawling won't be necessary. Rude Tube have one film called 'hot female ejaculation'. You cannot fail to be impressed.

  9. Totally tmi here, but you made me giggle, I'll confess to female ejaculation, and also point out that it's obvious that it exists to lesbians (all down to taste you see ;-)

  10. Oh! I love a juicy anonymous comment.

    Thank you for sharing.

  11. hehe it's good to be appreciated, thanks!