This morning my phone rang at 8.41 am. I was in bed and my phone was in the next room. It was ringing in that Cupcake emergency kind of way but there was no way I could get to it.
A short while later I phoned her back. My voice had that just-woken-up-gravelly-edge while she was hungover:
“One bottle of wine turned into three and a mojito” she groaned. I felt a pang of envy which soon disappeared when she delivered her triple whammy.
“One shoplifted pair of earrings, a plastic figure of Ganesh, an empty bag of weed and a morning after pill packet – empty and she hasn’t come on her period.”
These were the spoils from her 15 year old daughter’s bag, taken while she was sound asleep this morning. Stoned and pregnant? No wonder she was sleeping in, it certainly takes it out of me….
“What do I do?” she says
I have very little experience of dealing with teenagers so I said.
“I would have taken them out of her bag and lined them up on the table for her to explain when she got up. The fact that you’re hungover is good because you’re too fucked to be properly angry.”
The problem is, being something of a wild child herself, taking the moral high ground isn’t much of an option for Cupcake.
So here are three questions for you.
1) Do you go through your kids things?
A colleague of mine at work, a beautiful, neatly put together, level-headed woman once admitted to me that she regularly checked her daughter’s diary and personal effects. “You just do.” she said when I stood there open-mouthed.
2) How do wild mum’s parent?
Do you tell your kids about your experimentation with drugs, your brief addiction to fruit machines, your flirtation with topless modelling and the orgy you went to so that your kids can benefit from your experience, or, do you lie through your teeth and pretend that you were practically Amish as a teenager?
3) What should Cupcake do?
I have no fucking idea on this one……
As for my life, the sewing marathon continues. Since we last spoke I have knocked up (pun intended) two pairs of kimono shoes (really difficult to get a perfectly matching pair – mixed results), one pair of frilly knickers, one pair of non-frilly knickers, one pair of pyjama trousers, one pair of shorts and a matching tie and I have cut the pattern pieces for an A-line dress made from this fabulous vintage fabric,
which will have a cerise pink lining.
I may not have been Amish as teenager but I’m certainly turning that way now, I have a tapestry callous for fuck’s sake…..
I’m going to leave you now with a confession, a drinks recipe and a thought for the day.
Confession: I have been eating pate.
Drinks recipe: Freeze lychee juice. Once frozen, crush and add to Rose Cava.
A thought for the day from Gloria Steinem:
“I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.”
2 weeks ago