Mums need to connect. It’s a fact.
This is because being a mother can be one really fucking monotonous job at times. When I had my son in 2008 I went on to ‘Netmums’, posted a message on their ‘Meet a Mum’ board and after about a dozen dates made two friends. It’s a lot of hard work. So much hard work, in fact, that it became known amongst my friends as ‘whoring’.
Well, I’ve got the urge to go whoring again. I could do with meeting somebody who has a baby the same age as my daughter while I have a few months maternity leave left. I’ve contacted one lady who began her message by apologising for the lack of capital letters but she was doing one-handed typing with the baby occupying the other. Well I’m a sucker for anyone even remotely anal about punctuation. No doubt she’ll feature in a blog post in the near future, either as an anecdotal nutcase, or if she becomes a solid gold friend like Buttercup and Miss Stitchie, then she’ll get her own nickname.
Last night whilst doing some ironing (I know - I'm not sure how that happened either?) I found myself getting sucked in to 'Who Does What' on BBC2. Not that I needed a TV programme to tell me that, on the whole, women do a shit-heap more around the house than our dick-swinging mates (after all it wasn't Bushman doing the ironing!). But still, it was interesting.
Meet John and Lisa. They have a toddler and a six month old baby. He runs a building firm and lavishes his spare time at the weekend on his dogs who need to 'get a day out'. Lucky dogs.
Lisa is the Company Director of an antiques firm belonging to her family. She works full time and takes her six month old son to work with her three days a week. She can usually be found wearing loose fitting clothing comprising of a fleece and some pyjama bottoms (sound familiar?) and in reality there is little distinguishing her home attire from her work attire. There is a shot of her at work feeding her baby by balancing the bottle with her chin whilst clicking away on her mouse with her other hand (yep, I've done that before). She and her husband constantly bicker about the most pathetic housework related things. (yep, I've done that before too.)
Surveilance cameras found that she did 92% of the housework, not including washing up, of which she also does 91.4%. Shall we go on? Lisa does 84% of the food shopping and cooks 76% of the meals and when her husband did prepare food it was usually just for himself. Lisa also does 79.5% of the childcare.
However; of the 33 hours of childcare they recorded, 26 hours were quantifiable as 'passive', i.e where she was sitting down watching TV or doing some other non-interactive activity. (that's probably close to the mark with most of us.....). Confronted with his laziness, husband John smiles nervously and looks cheeky. When confronted with her laziness Lisa breaks down crying and says that she is a bad mother.
Dear Lisa, if by any chance you are reading this I would like you to know the following:
You are not a bad mother. 26 hours of 'passive' childcare amounts to 3.7 hours a day. The reason that you are sitting around in your pyjamas watching TV with your mouth open is because you are FUCKING KNACKERED. Perhaps if your husband devoted more time to you and your household and less time to making snacks for himself and giving those mutts a 'day out', you would have more energy to spend on yourself and your children. Rid yourself of the mother-guilt. You do however need to chill out a bit more and let your husband make shitty attempts at housework. In truth, he most probably makes deliberately shitty attempts so that you will deem it 'not good enough' and not bother asking him next time. And remember that the best mothers are slobs (or so I read here...)
I should point out that although John is a bit of a cockney-twat he does have his good points and sweetly reassured her that she was not a bad mother and that she needed more time to herself. Whether or not he makes the huge mental leap from saying that to actually making it happen is another thing.
Now talking of housekeeping, lots of you know how I hate those blogging award things. I am a bad blogger. But for all my bitchin' and moanin' I am soft-centred and when people are nice to me I find it hard to resist them.
So here is Michelloui who has left me some lovely comments and been very nice about me on her blog. I think in essence she has sort of passed on an award to me. Well for seven things you don't know about me you can find them in this post. I should of course follow this up with links to seven blogs but the day is slipping from my grasp and I have to pack a weekend bag because I'm off to spend the weekend with my cousin in a small village.
Will try harder next time. Promise.
Will try harder next time. Promise.