Monday, 7 March 2011

Flash, Bang, Wallop


So here are the pictures from my photo shoot. But before I show you the finished product here are a few top tips should any of you lovely people be thinking about it. My photo shoot was with a company called ‘New ID’ and I went to their Oxford Circus branch. I had a similar experience many years ago when I accompanied a friend so I had an inkling of what I was in for. It’s good to be prepared!


Here are my Ten 'Be Prepared' Tips.

1. At the time of booking there is a (refundable) £25 booking fee per person. Check their refund policy carefully. It can take up to 10 days to get a refund.

2. Be prepared for a lot of slap – make up that is. Yes, you really do need it. However; if once they are finished you are really unhappy about anything, you need to sort it out before the look is immortalised forever. (I secretly wiped off the dodgy lipstick they had put on me and replaced it with a much classier red.)

3. Be prepared for a ‘production line’ effect. You are not special, you are just a body in a queue.

4. Take snacks and a fan. You could be there for up to four hours in total getting peckish in the waiting area and hot under the lights during the shoot.

5. Be prepared to feel very uncomfortable during the shoot. Your photographer may ask you to do some weird postures which feel uncomfortable to you but actually look good from the other side of the camera.

6. Be prepared for the hard sell. Once the experience is over and you get into the viewing room they will use all kinds of techniques to get you to spend super bucks. Up until that point they have probably just about broken even with you. They make their money on the additional pictures/frames/products you buy. If you pretend you only want the complimentary print however; you will probably find that they start negotiating with you.

7. If you have a low alcohol threshold then go easy on the ‘Fucks Bizz’ because you will part with your cash much more readily!

8. If you want actual prints posted to you will have to pay for the postage.

9. Don’t let them mess around with your pictures (unless you want serious airbrushing that you can't do yourself). Turning one picture black and white can set you back £10. Get them on a CD and mess with them yourself. Getting them printed yourself is also much cheaper. The smallest photo size at these places can set you back £50.

10. Lastly, take a fucking amazing real fur cape with you. It hides a multitude of sins and although it may make you look laissez-faire about animal welfare, I guarantee that you will look fucking awesome.

If you bear all this in mind then the chances are you won’t feel taken advantage of and can enjoy yourself.

You will probably end up with at least one nice photo that you like, which doesn’t look like you at all. Here are mine.

WARNING: THIS IS NOT ME

These photos have been altered. I have played around with the colour/contrast etc. But I have not - I repeat NOT – had them airbrushed. I refused. I have obviously created the ‘anonymous’ look myself.







Yes – I’m sorry several animals were harmed to create this look but they were harmed many years ago when we still thought that smoking was good for you, ate corned beef and the jury was still out on black people having smaller brains.

You have got to admit though that that is one AMAZING COAT.

Please note that I was not paid, bribed or blackmailed into reviewing this experience. It was a Christmas gift.

And if you haven't entered my FREE PORN giveaway yet then check my last post and hop to it!!!!!



7 comments:

  1. You don't eat corn beef?
    Photos are gorgeous.....you are gorgeous...if those are photos of you. Yes I'm confused :)

    Free porn, yeehaa!

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  2. No, I haven't eaten corned beef in years although it used to be a staple sandwich filling when I was a child. Corned beef has fallen out of fashion, I don't know one single sandwich shop in London that sells it.

    Yes, the photos are of me but at the same time look nothing like me! It's not me on a real day if you get me.....

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  3. Nice work, pretty lady. Also good advice about the Fuck's Bizz - I went to a v. expensive hair salon once where they dyed my (naturally black) hair blonde. It took HOURS and they kept giving me WINE and then someone offered a makeover and before I knew it, bam! $200 of product purchased. Whoooops.

    I too have a fur coat from the days when that was OK. It's so lovely but I can never wear it anywhere because of being afraid people will shout at me.

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  4. I fancy having some taken where I don't look like me. But at the same time I would like to look the spitting image of Cate Blanchett. Do they offer this service?

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  5. Ally - you need to go to Venice. You can wear all the politically incorrect fur you like, as long as it is fabulous.

    Dawn - I think someone should offer that service!

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  6. Haha...corned beef...that was the stuff that turned me vegetarian...a nice piece of fresh aorta nestled somewhere between the bread and Branston...

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