For her party today I have created the most enormous headpiece for her to wear. I'm hoping it detracts from her ratty locks and my bad parenting.
This party has been the centre of much family controversy after my son's 2nd birthday party last year when rather a large number of unexpected guests arrived courtesy of my beloved partner, Bushman.
In a moment of rage so great that I whispered through gritted teeth, I made him promise that next year we would be having our daughters first birthday in his restaurant and he would do all the work. Earlier this year Bushman tried to get out of this deal. He underestimated me.
So, today, friends, family and frankly whoever wants to come, will join us at the Caribbean restaurant where Bushman works. It's smack bang in the middle of Camden Town so there has been much ado about parking, parking expenses, travelling etc.
I have done very little towards this affair aside from buying a second hand party dress on ebay for the birthday girl, fashioning an extreme headpiece and creating a birthday banner with the help of my son.
Come to think of it I haven't even bought her a present..... and I certainly won't be sending her a birthday card so it will be this scenario all over again with my mother.
I have pretty much done nothing and intend to continue in this fashion.
To every question about birthday cakes, vegetarians and booze I have responded, "He's dealing with it."
In a way this lack of control is unnerving. Will there be a cake? Will it be worthy of Cake Wrecks? Do I care? On balance the answer is. No.
There will be no party games. No party music. It will be laidback Reggae and Ska all the way. There will be a limited number of children. And if your kids are expecting a party bag - fuck off to someone else's party.
For anyone that likes a good birth story - this is what I was doing a year ago.
Happy Birthday Baby Girl and well done to me. x