Monday, 16 November 2009

Conversation with my young, hot, Swedish neighbour

This conversation took place over the intercom. The purple bits are the voices in my head.

I press the buzzer.

Them: Err… Hello?

Me: Hi could you turn the music down please?

Them: (reluctant) Ummm… OK....well..... we will turn it down but…

Me: There’s a but? My son had a testicle removed yesterday am I going to have to emotionally blackmail you with that?

Them: but……. I’m having a birthday party.

Me: But you had a birthday party two weeks ago.

I remember it clearly, I didn’t sleep until 6am and I had mixed emotions of being both pissed off and insanely jealous. Like when you listen to your neighbours having sex and you’ve been sex starved for weeks. Yeah, it was like that. Which is why I didn’t complain.

Them: Yeah, there’s two people live here.

Me: OK. But it is 4am.

Them: I know.

Me: (sweetly) If you had told me that you were having a party I could have gone away for the night. I really don’t want to spoil your fun but it's late and I have a baby down here.

A fucking baby. I know you're way too young and hot to understand the implications of a baby, but one day, chances are, you will be the bed-head neighbour from downstairs with saggy boobs, in her pyjama bottoms, complaining that the music is too loud. Trust me, your day will come. And another thing really bugging me is that I actually really like your music. On a night gone by that so would have been me. Hot Bitch.

But if you could turn it down a little bit I would be really grateful.

Them: OK.

The following day I received this:

Ok. So I was totally won over by the Hello Kitty notelet.


  1. Is one of them six??! I would have pushed the note back under the door with the amendment - "I am unimpressed by cute stuff. I am impressed by wine."

    I'm jealous you have a hot Swedish neighbour. I have a couple of pot heads on one side and an old deaf irish woman on the other. They don't throw partys - they throw plates at each other and sweep their front steps (I'll leave you to guess which one does which...)

    Hope your boy is recovering ok x

  2. I'm hoping your neighbour was female.

    No man should own anything hello kitty.

  3. Whatever happened to a bunch of flowers and a grown-up thank-you note? Or are your Swedish neighbours teenagers? Actually, don't answer that.

    Hug to the recovering boy.

    LCM x

  4. Don't you just hate it when you want to be mad at people and then they go and do soemthing nice?

  5. I'm hoping your hot Swedish neighbour was female too, especially as his/her name is Sara.

    I agree with Josie, that note stuck to a bottle of wine wouold have softened the blow.

  6. And they couldn't INVITE YOU to join them? Some neighbors.

  7. Josie, I'm guessing the old Irish woman is the plate thrower.

    At least, that's the Irish in *my* family...

  8. Notes always help. I always find it best to be on good terms with the neighbours, hard as that can sometimes be...

  9. I am married to a young hot Swede. Maybe I am your neighbour?