I press the buzzer.
Them: Err… Hello?
Me: Hi could you turn the music down please?
Them: (reluctant) Ummm… OK....well..... we will turn it down but…
Me: There’s a but? My son had a testicle removed yesterday am I going to have to emotionally blackmail you with that?
Them: but……. I’m having a birthday party.
Me: But you had a birthday party two weeks ago.
I remember it clearly, I didn’t sleep until 6am and I had mixed emotions of being both pissed off and insanely jealous. Like when you listen to your neighbours having sex and you’ve been sex starved for weeks. Yeah, it was like that. Which is why I didn’t complain.
Them: Yeah, there’s two people live here.
Me: OK. But it is 4am.
Them: I know.
Me: (sweetly) If you had told me that you were having a party I could have gone away for the night. I really don’t want to spoil your fun but it's late and I have a baby down here.
A fucking baby. I know you're way too young and hot to understand the implications of a baby, but one day, chances are, you will be the bed-head neighbour from downstairs with saggy boobs, in her pyjama bottoms, complaining that the music is too loud. Trust me, your day will come. And another thing really bugging me is that I actually really like your music. On a night gone by that so would have been me. Hot Bitch.
But if you could turn it down a little bit I would be really grateful.
The following day I received this:
Ok. So I was totally won over by the Hello Kitty notelet.